Lately

‘Mistakes are proof that you’re trying.’

I never felt this low in my entire life. It seems like nothing is going right in all aspects of my life right now.

I am trying to be patient and kind to myself by knowing that I did the best I could. And if it’s still not enough for them. It is okay.

I feel like I am drowning with my negative thoughts and overthinking. And I never credit myself for all those times I had been resilient.

However this time, I don’t want to be resilient. I just want to let myself feel what they need to feel. Honor every emotions and express them as much as I could.

I am always the girl that is ‘too much’ for many. There were moments that I am thinking that maybe they were right. Maybe I am actually too much. Maybe yeah, it is my fault.

But this time, I realized that it is never wrong to ask for more when you know to yourself you deserve more. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. Your sunshine is coming.

It is what it is.

You spent nearly 10 years of your life together.

Planned everything with him, invested your feelings,

And in the end none of that matters.

Because the truth is, you build a man for someone else.

Maybe the role you need to play in his life is done. His role in your life is done.

You’re allowed to cry. To be sad. To feel tired. To question everything.

And that’s okay. It was bound to happen. You knew it all along.

It happened to teach you a lesson, to grow up, to be emotionally strong.

And for you to realized that, it’s not that he’s not ready..

But because you’re not the woman for him. He needed someone not like you.

And it is what it is. The truth. A chapter has closed.

In another life

Living in your 20s is all about the fun, adventure and independence.

Big city, career ladder to climbed, endless on-the-go iced coffees, meeting new faces that sometimes you even don’t remember their names.

Sometimes, after a very long day. I lay down in my bed, think and be alone with my thoughts..like right now. I just realized how damn lucky I am.

Thinking one day, if the universe allows. I’ll be able to see the version of myself-old and gray.

Looking into myself and remembering all the adventures and how many versions of me that I was able to lived.

One thing for sure, once that day happened. I will be able to tell myself that I lived the life I chose.