Christmas 2019

It’s my 3rd Christmas by myself but don’t get me wrong because I completely enjoyed it. Because of that I had so many thoughts and realizations that came in, as a person I never get contented. I am always looking for more, working so hard, saving up money so hard because I want so many material things and places I want to go. But then, this pause gave me a realization.

Most of the time I am unstoppable, I forget how blessed I am with everything I have because I wanted more out of this life and world. I always tell myself to work so hard so I can buy that and this. But the truth is, everyone of us on this earth has purpose. God created us with a purpose.

I always dream big but most of the time is for myself but I realized this is not how I want to live my life. I want to find my purpose and leave a legacy when I die. This might sound so deep but I know since I was a kid that I think different from others. So this coming 2020, I will learn how not to be so selfish anymore, learn to dream big that will leave footprint in the community and be sensitive with the needs of others as well.

It’s okay.

The problem with being the ‘strong, independent woman’ is no one actually asking if you’re okay. Nobody knew what are the battles you’ve been facing on. No one heard you when you’re crying to yourself at night thinking where and what you did wrong.

I’m so tired to be strong all the time and patting myself on the back. I’m so exhausted of facing my day as if nothing happened. I hope someone will actually tell me that..it is okay. It’s okay if you’re not okay and my feelings are valid.

But I know no one will understand..no one. I hope 2020 is better cause 2019 broke me in so many ways.