We all have our fair share when it comes to love and heartbreaks. I learned everything in the hard way. I admit it, I am self-proclaimed ‘hopeless romantic’ blame the kdrama, novels, movies and grandparents. A big believer of one great love, destiny and fate that no matter what our concept about love there’s still one person who can love us unconditionally.
That’s why when I love, I love hard. Really hard. I became completely insane and stupid. I can forget everything including myself for the happiness of the person I love. I’m willing to go extra miles for them. They always say ‘when you love you should always leave something for yourself.’ But how?! I don’t know how to love half-heartedly. I tend to give my everything even if it’s mean I am empty, cause I love them that much.
After my failed 3 years relationship, I was not the same anymore. Before, I love without fear. But now, I’m scared of loving the wrong person again. I don’t want to get hurt again because I don’t know if I can take another heartbreak. I don’t want to invest time and feelings for someone who will just leave again. I don’t want to waste my time for someone who will just play games. I’m tired of that. I had enough of it. So as much as I can, I will guard my heart and wait for the right man.
I sometimes ask the Most High, I deserve the love I am giving to everyone but none of it seems come back to me. I know I am worthy but why? I know I sound so bitter right now. Maybe someday, one day all the love I give will finally come back to me. In the right time with right person and all the questions I have in my mind will disappear.
After all, we all just want to love and be love.